how do you stick to a resolution?
actually it's a big problem for me to make one now. I dream, but my dreams don't have any energy in them. They are like klouds just floating in my mind.
I don't wish and don't will.
I know what I might want but all of this seems to be to far a way.
it is a miserable way to life a life.
And It feels like those years ago when I trying I actully successed if not in killing myself then in killing a big part of me.
Was I different back then when I worked with the dedication and goal?
I say that with my grandpa living with us it's difficult to do something. Well yes. But when my farther was alive it wasn't so much different. It was the same nights without sleeping, and screams, and violence.
What changed and when. I do not know.
My mother is ill, and doesn't want to go to the doctor.
And everything feels so miserable now, grey and empty.
You know what it feels like I haven't read a book in years. I have, but it didn't do anything for me.
I went to 30stm concert, and to be honest all teh feeling I've got was "yeah, ok, i did it"
The only bright spot in my life is meeting with my friends.But it happens so seldom.
I haven't even selebrated any solstice for two years.
I'm cold, sleepy and clically depressed.
hell, what a good job